I distinctly remember sneaking my hand back into that hollow little plastic pumpkin head to steal an oversized Snickers Bar from my neighbors’ porch when my mom wasn’t looking. I was clearly the epitome of innocence in my tiny strawberry costume + surely no one noticed two massive bars of chocolate sticking out of my little treat bucket.
And then there was the time in college when, at the Niagara Falls gift shop, I found a Hershey’s chocolate bar the size of my torso + insisted that my boyfriend use the last shot on our disposable camera to capture me embracing it.
Yes, I love an oversized candy bar. And no, there isn’t anything I don’t appreciate about them…except that I actually have a really hard time finishing one. Which is the saddest thing, in my opinion. Kind of like the ice cream cone that’s so big you just…can’t.
I wouldn’t call it guilt. Or shame. As a pastry chef, I lost all discretion for treats and sweets long LONG ago. In fact, becoming a pastry chef actually gives you a license to make and eat any dessert treat you could ever possibly dream up, whenever you want, which also makes you an incredibly picky dessert person. Which I certainly am.
I think, actually, it’s the way that eating a huge candy bar makes me feel. Indulgent, yes, for a moment, but then that feeling quickly passes. A guy I know once ate one of those huge Hershey’s kisses all in one sitting and claims that he pooped his brains out for the next 12 hours and while I’ve never had that happen to me, that’s what I feel like my body wants to do when it eats too much “candy.”
First, because this recipe wasn’t inspired by a candy bar it was inspired by a cookie bar. This is my riff on the classic British Millionaire Bars, which layer crunchy shortbread cookies with a golden-syrup caramel, then get capped off with chocolate. The name speaks directly to how rich the bars are, like a giant Twix. (Which could also be called an appropriately sized Twix because when have you ever actually wanted to share that second little cookie stick in the package?)
Second, because I’ve managed to swap out the ingredients to make eating an entire bar much more manageable without changing the oversized-ness at all.
It’s like, MAGIC.
But I’m particularly eager to shake my pom-poms when the candy I’m eating is as good for my body as it is for my mind + very indulgent spirit. Plus, when all of that can happen with little fuss. And that’s where this recipe comes in.
I’ve swapped in a no-bake oat-and-cashew shortbread crust instead of the cookies, whipped up a naturally-sweetened, still-decadent date caramel in for the super-sweet golden syrup, and topped everything off with dark chocolate. They’re gooey and rich enough that even your small children may try to sneak bites. And you know what, they’re so filled with good stuff that you’ll let them do it!
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